


I want something that I want

by torigates



Category: Cougar Town
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2013-11-04
Packaged: 2017-12-31 12:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1031497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torigates/pseuds/torigates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the secret Laurie learned from her mom: fucking <i>nobody</i> is going to think you’re worth it unless you damn well do. Even if you don’t; fake it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I want something that I want

 

 

  
she said, “I want something that I want.”

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

This is the secret Laurie learned from her mom: fucking _nobody_ is going to think you’re worth it unless you damn well do. Even if you don’t; fake it.

Laurie watched her mom get things that she wanted. Generally with her mom, the things she wanted was were for men to take care of her. She didn’t have five step-dads by accident. Mom knew how to make men give her what she wanted. She knew how to act so that men would want to take her home, pay for her clothes and food, and give her a place to stay. She knew how to smile, and laugh and flirt just so. When she was a little girl, Laurie watched her mom do all those things and wanted to be like her when she grew up. No one was more beautiful, or smart, or clever than her mom.

It didn’t take long for the illusion to shatter. They spent enough time living in their car, mom crying herself to sleep, or hitting Laurie for this or that perceived fuck up.

That was only when they were alone. Out in the world, out where other people could see them, no one, _no one_ saw her mom as weak.

No one was going to see Laurie as weak either.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Laurie wasn’t sure how she ever convinced Jules to hire her. She wasn’t sure what made her reply to the job posting in the first place. She was under qualified, overly loud and obnoxious. Simply put, she was not the kind of girl suited for office work. She wasn’t professional.

Jules had sat her down, and stared at her across the desk. Even at that first meeting, Laurie had realised Jules was all kinds of crazy when the woman started talking about her son and her divorce in her second breath (the first being: “Hi, I’m Jules. Nice to meet you”).

Laurie had smiled and nodded and tried to talk about why she wanted to work in the exciting world of real estate. Jules just shook her off.

“I don’t care about that,” she said. “You obviously know nothing about houses or the market.”

“Oh,” Laurie said, slumping a little. She wondered briefly if Jules had brought her in just to knock her down a peg or two, and if so she had grossly overestimated the woman who had spoken to her so kindly over the phone and asked her to come in without even seeing a resume.

“Can you show up to work on time, handle the phones and the filing?”

“Yes!” Laurie said. “Absolutely!” She really needed the money, Dale had kicked her out again and he was holding all her clothes hostage.

“You’re hired,” Jules told her, standing to shake her hand.

Laurie was hardly ever on time to work. She was horrible over the phone with clients (she tended to ramble) and only slightly less so in person (again, with the rambling. This time with hand gestures). She was also ninety-five percent sure she had never actually filed anything in Jules’ office, but Jules never complained about those things (okay, well she wasn’t thrilled about the late to work thing), and only ever sometimes (always) complained about Laurie’s wardrobe choices.

Even though she couldn’t believe her luck that Jules had picked her, chosen to believe in _her_ , Laurie knew why that was. It was the same reason it never bothered her whenever Ellie said mean things, or the boys she liked (or didn’t like) never called her back. It was the same reason she didn’t care when people said horrible things about her behind her back (or to her face) or looked at her like she was somehow less than them. Laurie didn’t care about those things (except when she did), she didn’t let them bother her.

Laurie was really good at pretending to believe in herself. She was really good at ignoring that voice in her head that sounded so much like her mom screaming at her that it was her fault that mom couldn’t get a man to love her, or pay for food or clothes or nice things. Laurie was good at pretending to believe in herself, and, as it turned out, somewhere along the line she didn’t have to pretend anymore.

She wasn’t ever quite sure when it happened because it was so seamless that she never noticed when she stopped pretending and actually believed it.

“Why did you hire me?” Laurie asked her once.

Jules shrugged. “You have that thing about you,” she said. “I know this makes me sound conceited, but it reminds me of myself, when I was twenty-three and had no education or job or prospects. I made it work,” she said. “You do too.”

Laurie hugged her. “That does make you sound conceited,” she said.

“I know,” Jules said, but she was smiling.


End file.
